It was obvious that very soon I would jump into the abyss

Hi, it’s Kelly. Thank you for coming back to read more of my story.

My last post was about how Kurt introduced me to meth and how I quickly became addicted. By the time I learned the true nature of Kurt’s job and the substance he had given me to help me study, I was hooked. All I cared about was getting more meth.

Although I started doing meth to help me stay awake for nursing school and my job at a restaurant, those things soon became far less important to me than keeping myself steadily high on meth.

Kurt and I would start every day by smoking meth. He would then go into the basement to work while I went to class. I remember my classmates looking at me strangely as I would scratch and scratch my face in class, like a dog with fleas. I soon had sores on my face that wouldn’t heal because I would regularly pick at them. This is a common side effect of meth.

Kurt and I also would go days without sleep, and this made us paranoid and irritable. We would fight over the littlest things, and I became combative and irrational at work.

Between my bloody face and unprofessional behavior, it wasn’t long before I was fired from the restaurant. With no way to pay for school, I dropped out of nursing school as well. It was fine with me because Kurt made enough from his meth business to support us both, and I could just stay home all day with him and get high.

I should point out that my family lived out of state, and by now I had lost all my friends because all I did was stay home with Kurt and do drugs. I had isolated myself, and there was no one in my life to notice that I was addicted to drugs and try to get me help. Kurt and I were really the only ones in each other’s lives at this point, and we fed off each other’s addiction.

I don’t think I even loved Kurt anymore by this time. I don’t think I was capable of loving anyone, not even myself. The only thing I loved or cared about was meth. I needed that constant flow of euphoria and energy, otherwise, I felt sick and terrible. Instead of achieving a high, doing drugs became about avoiding feeling terrible. Even if it had been days since I’d last slept and I knew meth would just keep me awake longer, I still had to smoke more to keep from feeling sick.

Keep reading to find out what happened when I became pregnant.

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