Hi there, it’s Kelly. This should be my last post. Thanks for sticking with me through my story.
In my last post, I described giving birth to my daughter Kaitlyn. She was born prematurely and with a cleft palate as a result of my drug abuse during her pregnancy. I vowed to get clean and sober and take care of her.
At the hospital, I called my parents (who lived in another state) and told them what was going on. They were shocked to hear that I was addicted to drugs and had just given birth to their grandchild. They agreed to care for the baby while I went to rehab.
I chose a rehab facility near my parents’ house. I knew I couldn’t stay in Kurt’s house anymore, and I ended up never going back there again. My parents went and packed up some of my clothes and things while I was in rehab.
The first few days were hell. I was detoxing and felt like I had the worst flu ever. It was about as bad as childbirth had been, except I was high when I gave birth and it only lasted a few hours, so really detoxing was worse. The rehab center made it as comfortable as possible though, and I know if I’d tried to detox on my own I would have relapsed to avoid the physical pain and cravings.
I worked with a therapist and a counseling group to get to the root of my addiction issues, and to start working through my guilt about what I have done to Kaitlyn. Now that I’m out, I am going to continue to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings and attend therapy regularly to help maintain my sobriety.
I am living with my parents now and plan to stay here for a few months, getting to know Kaitlyn and getting used to being a new mom. Then I would like to finish nursing school and get back on the track my life was on before it got derailed by meth.
I’m going to make this all up to my baby girl. I am going to be my best, sober self and a perfect mother I can be. I failed her tremendously during my pregnancy, and I never want to fail her again.
Kaitlyn could have died or had long-term mental and developmental problems as a result of my drug use. I am incredibly lucky that she is okay, and that I have the support of my family to see me through this.
I was in the darkest, worst place I could have ever imagined, and Kaitlyn inspired me to turn my life around. I feel like a completely different person than I was just over a month ago. If you are reading my story and struggle with addiction, get help now, especially if you are expecting a child. Do it for your baby, if not for yourself. I did it, so you can do it too.