Hey, it’s Kelly. Thanks for continuing to read my story. We are near the end, I promise.

In my last post, I told you I took a pregnancy test, which turned out to be positive. I was in shock and didn’t know how to handle it. I continued using meth and went back and forth between adoption, abortion, and keeping my baby.

In my seventh month of pregnancy, there was a knock at the door.

I hid in our bedroom because I was high and paranoid while Kurt answered the door. It was the police. They had found out about Kurt’s meth manufacturing and came to arrest him. I heard it all from my room and was too scared to come out for hours after they’d left.

The police came back a few times to check out the basement and take all of Kurt’s equipment. Whenever they appeared, I hid in a closet in the attic so they couldn’t arrest me, too. I would sit in there and rock and cry, while rubbing my belly and telling my baby it was going to be okay. I was still using meth every day (I had taken a stash from the basement after the police arrested Kurt).

 Before I knew it, my water had broken, and I was giving birth. Even in my strung-out state, I knew it was too soon.

I drove myself to the hospital, high as a kite and terrified. The next few hours were a terrifying, painful blur as I went through labor and delivered a baby that was nearly eight weeks premature.

The first time I held Kaitlyn, it was like a switch went off in my body. When I had her in my arms and looked at her tiny face, I knew there was nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for this baby, including giving up meth.

Kaitlyn was premature and was born with a cleft palate, a result of my heavy meth use throughout the pregnancy. The doctors told me she would survive, and a plastic surgeon could fix the cleft palate and there would be no long-term damage, but I would have to keep an eye on her development. She would need to come in for frequent checkups throughout her infancy and childhood to make sure she was developing normally.

I knew I had to get help. I couldn’t kick my meth addiction on my own, and I certainly couldn’t do it with a newborn and no help.

Keep reading and found out how I turned my life around.